Monthly Archives: September 2016

Code Red

Finally! An app for men to track my period! What a fun and not-at-all invasive way for men I work with to stay the fuck away from me when I’m a raging, fire-breathing, bleeding bitch!


If you’re a man with a smart phone, I highly recommend this totally handy and appropriate app, uPMS, to track my period! If you’re a woman with a vagina that bleeds, tell your guy friends and male coworkers about this app! It’s easy to use, just like women, and sends you fun, friendly alerts to stay the fuck away from me, dismiss anything I say or do as irrational estrogen-charged temporary insanity, and for sure not try to fuck me for at least the next few days, unless you’re freaky and like it like that.

This app can really ease the tension in cases where men are put in the unfortunate position of having to coexist with women. Go ahead and do the whole office a favor and report upcoming women to avoid in weekly memos. Integrate your tracking calendar into the weekly schedule. Auction days off to the highest bidder when you know the boss lady is bleeding. The advantages of uPMS are almost as vast as your intrusion of her privacy!

Track my menstrual cycle now! Download the app today! It’s free! And fun and easy, just like me… unless I’m on my period!